Mindful Partnerships Workshop: Loving Life Together
Partnerships thrive on shared values, positive communication, mindful attention
to your own needs and a lot of “give and take.” Spend a day reflecting and
learning with your partner under the guidance of a clinical psychologist who has
practiced Buddhism for 17 years to realign your commitment to one another.
Dr. Pollyanna V. Casmar will instruct couples in mindfulness meditation and
discuss how focusing on each moment with firm intention and acceptance of what
“is” can add a refreshing vitality to your relationship. This, along with
effective communication strategies will serve as a foundation for realistic,
down to earth discussions with your partner about the four most frequently
debated topics in relationship: values, money, sex, and family. The Tibetan
Buddhist meditation of tonglen, (taking and giving) will be taught as a way of
recommitting your devotion to your partner. Taking your partner’s suffering and
giving them your accomplished happiness will result in a natural realignment of
your partnership. When each partner places the needs of the other first while
remaining aware of this own needs, communication opens and clear discussions
about difficult topics are easily accomplished.
Syllabus for the workshop:
The firstsession will begin with basic instruction in breathing, mindfulness and
loving-kindness meditation. Participants will practice this meditation for 5
minutes after instruction and Dr. Casmar will briefly explain modern
psychological research findings related to meditation and the relief of stress
and pain. This centering will allow participants to begin to explore the topics
below.
I: Communicating with yourself and others
The strategies of moving toward (clinging/grasping), moving against (aggression)
and moving away (ignorance) will be discussed as the three poisons of
relationship from a Buddhist perspective. In contrast, the 6 perfections of
generosity, patience, ethical behavior, joyful perseverance, concentration and
wisdom will be explored SPECIFICALLY as they relate to couplehood, in practical
terms. Couples will be given a format of template guidelines for effective
conversation for use for the day and on an ongoing basis which will be both ways
to phrase things well and how to do this mindfully. Questions and answers about
the strategies and methods of conversing will follow.
II: Defining yourself
What do you value? How do you handle finances? What are you like as a sexual
being? How do you define family?
Dr. Casmar will define needs, wants and values and discuss the psychology of
money, sexuality and family in relationship. She will explore with the
participants how these areas often become sources of both inspiration and stress
in committed partnership due to lack of adequate communication and flexibility.
Each participant will fill out their own needs, wants and values list as they
relate specifically to money, sex and family and will exchange and share them
with their partner.
SESSION II:
III: Defining a couple
What is partnership? How did you find one another and what brought you to a
committed relationship? What keeps you together? Psychological research on what
brings and keeps couples together will be presented. A visualization and
centering exercise will assist you in remembering your own story. Each couple
will share their discoveries with one another using mindfulness and appropriate
communication.
IV. Setting goals based on greater understanding
Now that you know yourself, understand your partner’s needs, wants and values,
remember what brought you together and have celebrated the glue that keeps you
together, the workshop will conclude with instruction on how to effectively set
measurable goals as a couple using the applied communication you have been
taught. Couples will try out this process and Dr. Casmar will circulate and
assist.
Sharing, questions, answers and review for continued work together. How will you
make sure to continue the process you began and what will you do if you fall
into old habits? Dr. Casmar will provide suggestions.